Lessons in Life and Eyeliner with the Little One, Part 1 of 2

No one ever prepares you for the mental elasticity you need to raise a child. There's the extent to which child rearing is physically grueling -- all the baby carrying, lifting, stroller-transferring -- but I've found that the most challenging aspect of being a parent is having to constantly evolve with them. I've always been a particular person who likes order. Sure, I'm definitely a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of gal, who relishes the emotive and creative motivation. But the defining action pulling it all together for me is always the implementation of structure. And when you've got a kid, that ringleader position you held in your own fantastic circus? Well, let's just say, you're suddenly being outsmarted, outrun, and essentially, completely humbled by the smallest, and possibly the most fascinating person you may have met in recent history.

When my daughter A was born, I had incredible difficulty breast-feeding. I struggled with multiple infections, vascular spasms, and ended up only being able to pump, while still being in a lot of pain. I coped with the desire to provide my daughter breast milk as I simultaneously struggled with the logistical issues of pumping eight times a day, a throbbing chest, and all the other intensity that ensues in those first three months post-birth. I mention this because we've all been through one issue or another with our children, whether it's been with feeding, colic, sleeping, etc. While they are very young, every day is full of new hurdles, as well as new accomplishments. What keeps us going are those grin-breaking moments when our child sits up for the first time, takes her first walk in the park, or says something as simple as "uh-oh."

At nearly 21 months of age now, my daughter has entered her Terrible Twos. It began with language -- with the basic words like ball, dog, car, eat. Then, came her first, and really, only sentence to date: "I want ____." At 7:30 a.m., my alarm every morning is: "JUICE! I WANT JUICE!" Throughout the day, A's list of demands seemingly directs the course of our day. She may want to eat turkey, listen to a song, or (sigh) draw with chalk on her shirt and mine. It also could be as ambiguous as "I want THIS!" and I have no clue what "this" is. Her "this" could be as incomprehensible as wanting to spear her string beans from only a certain angle. And with only that one sentence at her grasp, meltdowns, even if they are short-lived, can be a-many. For a few weeks, I kept asking A: "What do you want?" I later realized that by asking her what she wanted I was only making things more difficult for both of us, as half the time, she's just having fun ordering me around. Furthermore, if she sees me getting flustered, my anxiety possibly fuels her frustration.

As I watched my daughter's personality develop over the last few months, and started to characterize her to others as "willful", I felt tested in a way I had never felt, even through the rigors of graduate school. I felt like my hands were tied because I myself was so strong-willed.  I discussed this with my good friend J, a mom of two sons, and she suggested a different approach: why not drop the thinking of it being a "battle of wills"? I hadn't realized up until that point that I had felt like I was in some sort of contest.

So I've been trying -- to be more flexible. I have to give my daughter a lot of credit for this. It's probably one of the biggest lessons I'm learning in life. I'm a perfectionist at heart, but as a parent you ride a wave that's got unexpected bends, jumps and sometimes you're totally blown off that wave and have to start from scratch,  paddling until you're on the wave again (to use a surfing analogy). When A and I are in the heat of the moment and she's screaming, I try my hardest to take a step back and just be, instead of reacting. It doesn't always work. Sometimes we end up both giggling and dancing, and then at other times she's thrown bubble solution in my eyes, I've got fried egg on my forearm, I'm frazzled and late to an appointment …

But at the end of the day, I look at my life, our life together. The reflection tells me I'm a little tired. My eye make-up may or may not be intact depending on the type of tumbles I've taken. But I'm ready for the next adventure. What does Mama need to learn next, little one?

-N.C.

Disclaimer: Nuy Cho has no affiliation to any of the beauty companies mentioned on www.nuybeauty.com.

Bring on the Blush

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I Scream, You Scream, We all Scream for Sunscreen!

Sun is glorious. Sometimes I crave with great intensity, a trip home, so I can have the luxury of lying on a Hawaiian beach -- where the potent tropical rays will knockout any worry, ache, or perplexity. Even if you're having a great day, the sun makes things better. And let me tell you, people in Hawaii are extremely friendly and for the most part, quite happy. Can you guess why? Probably all that Vitamin D.  But on the flip side, the sun is also extremely damaging to your skin without protection. It prematurely ages you, causes wrinkles, age spots, and can lean to skin cancer. Wearing sunscreen everyday will ensure that you can have your cake and it too.

My mother has been applying sunscreen as soon as she rises, for about 37 years now. I, as well as many of her friends and relatives can vouch for the fact that she has no major wrinkles at 62 years of age. And she resides in sun-sensational Honolulu! So if you can't compel yourself to wear the sunscreen for health reasons, then maybe maintaining your younger looks for longer will motivate you.

I have to admit, I'd never been a big fan of sunscreens (in terms of daily usage) because of how heavy they've been in the past, but a few years ago I started to change my tune when I discovered Christine Chin's Solar Guard SPF 28 ($52). It goes on sheer, feels like a moisturizer and doesn't have that goop-y sunblock feel. And under make-up, it is weightless.

As for sharing sun protection on a daily basis with A, we've never totally succeeded. Body lotions, baby balms: yes. But, my sunscreen goes on before my makeup, and hers is carried around in her stroller or diaper bag, and her skin is even more sensitive than mine. So I stick with the California Baby SPF30+ Sunscreen for A. It took a lot of trial and error to find that one. Previous products that have now hit the trash, oozed and stained our clothes with orange and pink oils, but this one causes no reaction in her uber reactive skin.

I will recommend though, that for long plays on the beach or at the pool, you consider a Rash Guard shirt, which have built in UV protection. They are like the ones surfers wear, and A had this Roxy Girl one ($30) while she was with me in Hawaii. Add on top of that a UV treated, wide-brimmed sun-hat (here's A's by i Play, $10), and if you get distracted and forget to re-apply the sunblock, at least you've got some insurance!

Sunscreen 1-2-3:

The American Academy of Dermatology (ADA) recommends applying a broad spectrum (protecting against both UVA and UVB rays), water-resistant sunscreen, with a sun protection factor (SPF) of at least 30 before exposure to the sun. I use the Christine Chin's Solar Guard SPF28 everyday as a moisturizer, but make sure to put on something with a higher SPF on days I know I'll be out getting some serious sun on with A. Here are some sheer, light to the touch, and quickly absorbing options for you to try:

1) Great under make-up: Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Liquid Daily Sunblock, SPF 70 ($13).

2) Convenience of a spray: Paula' Choice Ultra-Light Weightless Finish SPF 30 Sunscreen Spray ($8).

3) To finalize: a quick tip sheet from the ADA on being safe in the sun.


Special Note: Thanks to my good friends, L. and N. -- fellow parents of A's dear amigos who so kindly helped me test sunscreens this past week.


-N.C.


Disclaimer: Nuy Cho has no affiliation to any of the beauty companies mentioned on www.nuybeauty.com.

Eye Want Color!

Spring is all about change -- the scent of the air, the warmth, the empowering sunlight. And as the season's scenery changes, you can't help but have a sunnier outlook. New York City has been ripe with the bounty of brighter months ahead as winter's cold and shivering tail zigzagged and disappeared into a street corner. A and I celebrated this week, by going on a picnic with our dear friends, drawing our names and faces in our favorite park with chalk, and donning floral frocks and denim minis. To top off the cheerier weather, I also rolled out my eyeshadow palettes for some play. The thing about colored eye shadows is that if you don't overdo them, and keep it minimal, they're actually not as hard to pull off as you might think!

All it really takes is a few strokes, literally. Try a new color! Play around with eye shadows you may already have lying around, untouched in your vanity. Don't be afraid to try out that army green or navy blue from the beauty counter gift-bag.  Don't ever assume that a color doesn't work for you without trying it on first. You may be pleasantly surprised.

I am wearing Shu Uemura's Pressed Eye Shadow ME600 ($20)

Eye Shadow 1-2-3: 

Start with a clean face / clean lids. It's up to you whether or not you want to first line the eyes with some sort of liner. If it is part of your routine, then go for it. If not, don't worry about it. But, if you do line your eyes, stick with black, as it is the most neutral, and will go with whatever eye shadow color you choose.

1) Take an eyeshadow brush that has shorter, firm bristles, like my 5R Kolinsky by Shu Uemura ($58) or you can try Kashuk Tool's Small Eye Shadow Brush ($10), and dab a little bit of shadow on it. Don't get too much on the brush, and blow off any excess shadow before applying. Apply a very fine and thin layer of color at the lash line. And as you work from the inner to outer area of your lid with your brush in nice, steady, soft, strokes, start to fan out the color to widen slightly like a, narrow, sideways `V' toward your temples.

2) The trick to doing quick, risk-free colored eyeshadow, is to minimize the amount of color applied. You don't need a lot of color to make an impact. Keep the color close to the lash line, and refrain from painting big, crowd-stopping blocks of color between your eyes and brows. A little goes a long way. And by keeping the shadow on the light and slim side, it spares you room for error. Think of it as more like lining your eyes liberally with the shadow, rather than shading. And just stick to the top lid.

3) Finish with some mascara, blush and clear lip gloss.

-N.C.

Disclaimer: Nuy Cho has no affiliation to any of the beauty companies mentioned on www.nuybeauty.com.

Combatting Tired Eyes

You asked, and I got them: Pooped out, puffy eyes! I wanted to know what you (my loyal readers) wanted me to write about next, and the winner was: help with puffy eyes and dark, under-eye circles. Shortly after I declared this, A started having mini-tantrums on the floor -- thrusting her head back while kicking like a champion swimmer. Evidently, her latest experiment with the world hasn't been going so well, because she can't eat raisins all day long, she can't stay up all night, and she can't shred my thesaurus. Of course, my eyes started to swell with these stressful antics, as my 19-month-old diva starting bringing down the house. That is, until I pulled out my bag of tricks.

Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes occur for a number of reasons  -- but for both, stress, caffeine, alcohol and lack of sleep are all aggravators. The first problem is easier to tackle because it's just fluid retention. When we are stressed, we tend to retain more fluids. And first and foremost, in order to flush out what's trapped inside, you need to drink lots and lots of water.

To jump-start the process of de-puffing, try my One-Minute Remedy. First, grab an ice pack from the freezer or fridge (if it's too cold, wrap a kitchen towel around it) and hold it against your eyes for about 15 to 30 seconds. The cold will help counteract the swelling. Then, gently tap the area around your eyes with your fingertips to trigger circulation and promote the fluids to move away. Tap with light, even pressure about 30 times, like you're playing the same chord repeatedly on a keyboard. I was feeling the eye-bulge the other morning so I did this before I ran out the door. When I met up with my good friend A.S., a stylist, she actually, to my great surprise, remarked on how good my eyes looked.

A nice thing of note is that the puffiness you may have woken up to may probably get better on its on throughout the day without any intervention -- as gravity helps to push the excess water out of your body naturally.

As far as dark circles go, because the reasons they occur are more often due to hereditary or pigmentation issues, and/or thinner skin causing the blood vessels to start showing off their colors more, they are a little harder to treat in a quick-fix type of way. Your quickest bet for treating them as a busy mom is to use an eye cream daily, and a concealer.  I found an all-in-one product by Olay, Total Effect Eye Cream + Touch of Concealer ($20), which you can look to as a starting point.

Daily application of eye cream or some sort of moisturizing treatment for the delicate skin around your eyes will help you overall for either issue. Essentially, taking good care of the skin by giving it the moisture and nourishment it needs is the key to radiance -- whether it's around your eyes or anywhere else on your face. As we age, our skin's natural ability to replenish moisture and repair damage diminishes, so we need to help it supplement.

If you don't have an eye cream or can't be bothered to get one, you can actually take a peek in your child's beauty bin. Look for a baby balm or salve that contains one of the following herbs: Arnica Montana, Calendula, or Chamomile, which all have anti-inflammatory properties, and therefore will also help with the puff. The key is to find one without zinc oxide, a common ingredient in diaper creams that also happens to make them powder-white, unless you want to walk around looking like you've got face paint on. I found Bamford's Organic Baby Balm ($40) in A's drawer, which has both Chamomile and Arnica Montana. It's thick, but absorbed rather well. A budget option, that has a cool, fluffy texture is California Baby's Calendula Cream ($11).

Eyes Wide Open 1-2-3:

1) Try storing your eye cream in the fridge. It'll feel great in the morning as you're prepping for the day, and the cold might just help de-swell those puffy eyes.

2) Use a broad spectrum sunscreen, with UVA and UVB protection and an SPF of at least 30, on your entire face everyday. You will be protecting your precious visage from the damaging effects of the sun, which accelerates the development of wrinkles, AND contributes to dark-circles under the eyes. Try California Baby's SPF 30+ Sunscreen ($19), which A and I use.

3) Get lots of zzz's. Easier said than done, but there's no way around it. They didn't coin it Beauty Sleep for nothing!

-N.C.

Disclaimer: Nuy Cho has no affiliation to any of the beauty companies mentioned on www.nuybeauty.com.

Adventures in Hair Accessories

When you've got a girl, what is that inherent need to accessorize their hair? I remember the good old days when A was barely conscious of even having her dainty locks. I was able to put a pin or bow in at will. But soon after she started owning the streets of New York City with a walk and a skip, she realized not only that she could prance with attitude, but that she could give me attitude too -- about her hair. Now, if she keeps something in her curls for a few minutes, I consider myself lucky. Despite this, I still love that moment I see the colorful ornament set against her dark hair. I mean, they are our living dolls, our muses, our inspiration for creativity and life.

I've always been affected by the visual experience. And living in New York City is like living in a motion picture. The landscape is in constant flux because there's so much movement surrounding it -- cars, people, sound, light. Sometimes, even the buildings seem to be moving.  When A came into my life and became, in a sense, the new lead in my Urban Cinema, I had to of course, costume her, to dress and style her for the part. And the thrill of watching her dramatically pull out and throw, like a flaming log, new barrettes I've tried to surreptitiously put in her hair? Hey, every movie needs some theatrics!

Seeing tiny violets blooming during an afternoon walk along the High Line had me wanting to try colored headbands on A. I bought seven headbands from my local 99-cent store, which has a wall of items that is a children's hair accessory extravaganza. I went home and presented them to her. Taking them out of the plastic bag slowly, and individually, I added lots of WOWS and OOHS, to try and make it as suspenseful as possible -- an effort to make the headbands transform into super cool toys. I even brought A's sometime BFF, Elmo, into the mix and had her put them on him. But, as soon as I slipped a turquoise, grosgrain headband with a cluster of roses, on her (the one I'd had to have, that was so high up on the wall that I'd had to reach for it with a one-foot pack of incense), she threw me a knowing look.

Not one of the headbands stayed on A long enough for me to snap a photo -- they were tossed to the floor with pomp and passion. A was very proud of herself, like she'd been patted on the back by Jackson Pollock, and she twirled in big circles, singing to herself.


I was laughing my heart out.


Hair Peace 1-2-3:

My good friend and writer M, who `sound-checks' many of my ideas, and I were discussing how often one sees a baby girl with a hair pin desperately dangling from what seems like a single strand of hair. When it comes down to it, the "success" of the hair ornament has a lot to do with choosing the right one -- the item that will bother toddlers the least while having the right amount of grip and tension to hold securely, their more delicate hair.

1)  Japanese Ponytail Holders: These are without a doubt, truly, ouch-less elastics, which you can conveniently cut and tie to size. The tension is basically perfect. For the last 20 years,  I have used these on my baby-fine, snag-friendly hair. And now, I use them on A.

2) Fabric Barrettes: Since these are wrapped in soft fabric, the little ones are less likely to feel them. They are also designed in the clamp-style, making them easy to put on, in one, swift movement.

3) Hawaiian Plumeria Clip: A single flower in the hair is such a classic -- here's one A has that's petite, tropical, and as light as wind.




-N.C.

Disclaimer: Nuy Cho has no affiliation to any of the beauty companies mentioned on www.nuybeauty.com.

The Mommy Getaway: Sporty

I went skiing for the first time the other day. I felt the need to do something completely out of my element, and for this island girl, snow athletics seemed like the perfect thing. Sure, there's ski to be had on the Big Island of Hawai'i, but I never went because my family was into dry terrain sports like golf, swimming and tennis. Essentially, I wanted a one-day Mommy Getaway -- something that didn't involve the logistical planning of an overnight stay but would still allow me to get out of the city and out of the head-space of my regular life. I speak to many mothers who say to me constantly, "If I could just get away by myself for just one day!" We all deserve a little time off from the home turf, alone.

I booked a one day trip to go to Hunter Mountain, accompanied by a good friend of mine, B, a wordsmith I frequently consult with. She hadn't skied in over 15 years and I was a ski-virgin, so we made sure a Beginner's lesson was included in our package. I have to admit that the moment the cast-like boots went on with the fasteners akin to torture devices, my heart started racing.

On the path to the bunny slope, our instructor worked with us to get our bearings on the snow. With three-foot long attachments bonded to my legs, I felt like an awkward, overgrown toddler as I learned to duck-walk in a circle. I was struggling to understand the nuances of the particular balance and movement involved, and my mind was fighting with me. It was that classic adult resistance where you know you're going to fall and you're scared -- and the awareness is biting you in the butt.

I slipped and slid, and the instructor and B herringboned ahead of me. I said to myself, "What's the worst that can happen? Okay, so you fall, big deal. A falls ten times a day and she could care less!" And with that I began to relax. Twenty minutes later, I had skied down the length of the bunny slope -- granted there were 3-year-olds in miniature snowsuits whizzing by me like pros, pole-less. But the exhiliration of riding the snow like a wave and feeling weightless? I was grinning so hard it felt like a face massage.

I did end up falling a bunch of times - off the chair lift! And each time I did I laughed it off in the same way I encourage my daughter to when she takes her spills. For those 12 hours we were away in the celestial Catskills, I thought nothing of my daily stresses.  Over the next few days I was happier than I'd been in a while, high off my ski-rides. And then, suddenly I found the courage to take A off the bottle, something I'd been slightly terrified of doing.

I had been inspired.

The Sporty Getaway 1-2-3:

The beauty of the Sporty Getaway is that it incorporates exercise, which promotes good circulation and overall fitness. And both of these contribute greatly to luminous skin and a healthy physique. With spring in the air, what better time time to get your body moving to a new beat? If you don't live in the areas the below links cover, keep in mind they are just a bouncing off point for you to brainstorm your very own, personalized, Mommy Getaway.

1) Skiing is sensational! Try NYC Ski & Board.

2) My brother J went whitewater rafting last summer and couldn't stop talking about it. Give Crab Apple Whitewater a look-see.

3) I've only ever caught one wave (I know, embarrassing for a girl from Hawaii) because I've barely surfed. I know Girls Who Surf are good teachers, and next time I'm home, I'm signing up!

-N.C.

Disclaimer: Nuy Cho has no affiliation to any of the companies mentioned on www.nuybeauty.com.